Stephen Colbert opened Monday’s inauguration day version of CBS’ “The Late Present” by giving us permission to stay by “airport guidelines” for the following 4 years: “Energy don’t depend, and it’s completely affordable to have a vodka tonic at 8 a.m.”
However the reality of the matter is, it’s nonetheless beautiful {that a} convicted felon who additionally inspired his followers to storm the Capitol and attempt to overthrow the federal government is now as soon as once more within the Oval Workplace.
“How do you make sense of immediately? How did we get right here? Effectively, Secretary of Protection Don Rumsfeld had these well-known axioms,” Colbert started his explainer. “He had three of them: There was ‘identified knowns,’ issues that that . There are ‘identified unknowns,’ issues that that you just don’t know. After which there are ‘unknown unknowns,’ issues that you just don’t know, that you just don’t know. He stated that that final group was probably the most harmful. However he by no means accomplished the quartet of the doable combos. Probably the most harmful one is the ‘unknown knowns’ — issues that we all know, however we select to unknow for some purpose. There could also be a superbly comprehensible purpose the American individuals have determined to unknow what they undoubtedly knew about Donald Trump.”
Colbert teased Trump for shifting his ceremony indoors: “Oh is the massive, sturdy gweatest pwesident ever feeling a bit chilly? You need some sizzling cocoa with marshy-mellows? You climate cuck!”
He additionally famous that as a result of the ceremony was moved to the Capitol rotunda, which may solely maintain roughly 700 individuals, that “means Trump’s inauguration crowd can now be formally known as the smallest of all time.”
When Trump was sworn in by Chief Justice Roberts, he didn’t place his hand on the Bible for the oath of workplace. “When the ceremony was going to be exterior, he was going to place his hand on the Bible after they moved it inside, the hearth marshal wouldn’t enable it,” Colbert quipped. “Security first. Right here’s the factor, if he doesn’t contact the Bible, is he actually president? I imply, who did contact the Bible? Melania. Is she president?”
Colbert famous that almost all of Trump’s speech was “pure darkness,” and “a few of it was simply plain bizarre.” After which there have been the odd govt orders, like altering the title of Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. He additionally threatened as soon as once more to invade Panama. After which he as soon as once more known as the 2020 election “rigged.”
Colbert identified TikTok’s “pathetic, clear ploy to suck as much as Trump this weekend… that utterly labored.
“The wildest a part of all that is that regardless that he’s saving the app now, throughout his first time period as president, Trump led the trouble to ban TikTok. So why would he reverse course? Effectively, the reason is fairly sophisticated. He has no sincerely held beliefs.”
Then there’s Trump’s latest announcemenet that John Voight, Mel Gibson and Sylvester, Stallone would function “my particular ambassadors to a terrific however very troubled place, Hollywood, California.”
Mentioned Colbert: “That can’t really feel good for different growing older Hollywood proper[wing actors. Kevin Sorbo, your response?”
Colbert ended his monologue with this notice: “We don’t know precisely what the following 4 years can be like, besides, in fact, we utterly do. As a result of earlier than even turning into president, over the weekend, Trump launched the griftiest grift he has ever grifted: A Trump model crypto meme coin. Trump isn’t the primary one to attempt to pull this sort of rip-off. His private meme coin follows within the footsteps of the Hawk Tua Lady.”
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